Meeting you IRL
If I’m sitting with you In Real Life over a coffee or
a drink it means you’ve ticked some of my boxes and I’m interested in finding
out more about you to see if a relationship might develop. If I wasn’t
interested in meeting you, I would have given you one of my polite kiss off
lines.
No. 1 Mistake on dates
This is entirely my opinion, but the biggest issue I
have when meeting a man is their motor mouth. I find it so frustrating when I
first talk with a man on the phone or we meet IRL and they talk all about themselves.
I’ve been on numerous dates that by the end I can recite an extensive history
about the man and his family and yet he knows virtually nothing about me. I
enjoy the easy life and if I have to battle you to tell my story, sorry but
that’s too much work for me.
At this stage men need to refer back to why I’m with
them (as stated above)
You might be nervous and that’s why your motor mouth
is firing. Ok, relax because you’ve made big progress already (again refer to
IRL above). Perhaps it’s your first time back in the dating pool. Perhaps you’ve
had some bad previous experiences. Put all that aside and just let the
conversation flow organically. Try not to come to a date with preconceived
ideas of topics. If it’s the right connection the conversation will flow naturally.
Perhaps you are worried that if you ask questions
about the woman, that may seem intrusive. That the woman should volunteer the
info. Well, guess what? Most women won’t. You’re going to have to work a bit
for it, so that we know you’re genuinely interested. It’s all part of the
courting process and most women like to be wooed. If you ask me something that
I’m not comfortable talking about, I’ll let you know.
My biggest tip to men, is ask women questions about
themselves. And keep asking. If the connection is right the woman will be
asking you just as many questions back. It must be a 2 way conversation and at
the end you should walk away both knowing the same amount of info about each other.
A date is a bit like a job interview. We’re checking out each other to see if
it might work.
If you want to be in my life, you need
to be interested in my life.
Listen to what a woman tells you. Don’t start
thinking about the next thing you want to say before she’s finished. Listen for
openings or lead ins to ask more questions. If she mentions she has a dog, don’t
start a dog story of your own, ask what kind of dog it is, how old is it and a
few questions along those lines, then if the conversation feels right tell you
dog story, or move on if the conversation has already gone in a different
direction.
It’s all about Moi
One of my favourite lines from Kath and Kim. But
seriously, it’s not all about me when I’m on a date. It’s about both of us and
how we interact and whether it might have legs for the future. However I do
know what I bring to the table. I’m not going to reveal all my cards from the
start. You’ll need to get to know me to find out more. I’m no shrinking violet.
I’m at an age where I feel confident and content with myself. I have a lot of
positive attributes that I will bring into a relationship. There’s also a
little bit of baggage, but not much and my positives far out weigh the
negatives. I’m not dating because I’m desperate or scared of being single. I
genuinely would like to find someone to spend time with because I have room in
my life for the right person.
My approach to dating
I love dating apps. I describe them as similar to a
box of chocolates with lots of choices where you get to read the description of
each different chocolate and decide what you’d like to sample. I get excited
about meeting a new person for a date. I’m not the type to get nervous- unless
you’re a Jeffrey Dean Morgan look a like and then I would probably be shaking
like a bowl of jelly. As a part of my job I meet new people constantly. My
friends and clients tell me I’m very easy to speak with and am good at making
people feel comfortable and relaxed. In my line of work, my potential clients
must feel comfortable with me before they engage me. If I’m designing their
home, I’ll likely be asking some personal questions about how they live. I put
people at ease for a living and therefore am confident I can do the same with
you.
Hitting the Wall
My litmus test is 2 dates and at least a phone call.
I like phone calls because I want to know how well you speak on the phone and
is the conversation like IRL. Some people get very nervous on phone calls, yet
can be ok in person.
If after this time, which may be 4-6 hours in total
you are still yabbering on about yourself with clearly no interest in me, then it’s
time to call it quits and I will got and find a brick wall to beat my head on.
I think the same should apply to a man if the woman
is not opening up and forth coming after you asking them lots of questions. Good Luck.
