You’ve
probably heard people say “I want to be your last first kiss”.
But what if
you were someone’s last first kiss and that kiss was also their last kiss? What
if you were the person to share someone’s last meal, their last conversation?
Is this starting to sound ominous with a touch of sadness?
Well I had
what I now consider the double edged sword privilege of being just this person.
It’s an event that I now class as the biggest single most pivotal moment in my
life. Sure, the birth of my children were big moments, but their lives have
stretched into years (which I know I’m fortunate to have as not everyone gets
that). However in a short moment I had a very special person taken out of my
life permanently.
I had
started dating a lovely man. We clicked from very early on and in the space of
a few weeks we enjoyed long daily phone calls and multiple texts every day and
3 dates. On our third date, which was approx. 6 and ½ hrs we morphed the
afternoon into coffee and then dinner. He walked me back to my car that evening
and we said good bye, already having made plans for a dinner date in a few days
and then for a day trip on the upcoming weekend. He kissed me good bye as he
leaned into my car. It was an awkward angle. But was pretty exciting. He told
me he’d been wanting to do that for a long time and now he felt like a
teenager. Ten minutes later he was killed instantly in a motorbike accident.
My journey
in the past few months since that moment has been hard, however I am starting
to feel much better and can look at it with clearer vision and gratitude. I am
grateful to have met him. He truly was incredible. No doubt, had we continued
our journey together we would have found out annoying habits about each other.
I am grateful that he picked me on the dating app and went the extra step to
pay for a special Like to alert me. I am grateful that we had such amazing
conversations, including a 4 hr phone call till 1am, filled with laughter and
covering so many subjects. I am grateful that we were so comfortable talking
together, that we shared the same dry humor, that we loved similar food, that
we had similar values in life, that we laughed often. I feel honored that
after he’d experienced some bad past relationships and multiple dates trying to
find the right person we’d now connected and we both knew it was right. I am
grateful to have experienced his joy for life, which matched and inspired mine.
I also am
thankful for what he got to experience. I feel grateful that he got to have some
amazing family time. That was the reason on a couple of occasions why we
decided not to go out together, because things had popped up with his family
and due to the distance that usually separated them, he wanted to spend time
with them. I was happy for that. Family is important and we knew we’d see each
other on another day. He truly enjoyed his last meal. He was a qualified chef
and said he really liked it because it tasted better than how he would have
cooked it. I’m grateful for what that 4 hr phone call meant to him. He said
that he’d never had a call that long and had never previously wanted to speak
to someone for that long on the phone.
Of course my
heart breaks for his family- for his parents, his young adult children and all
the missed opportunities for everyone.
As my head
clears and I move forward and look forward, I know that I will never forget him
till my last breath. My joy for life is starting to return. I am excited for
the future. Seeing a life cut short has inspired me to do some things that I’d
put on the back burner and make the extra effort instead of telling myself I’ll
get around to it.
I had a
lovely uncle who would often say that there is no such thing as a soul mate,
because you will meet several people in your life whom you can be very happy
with. I believe my uncle was correct and this wonderful man was one of a few
special men I have met in my life. Sadly our story ended too soon, but there
will be more.
He was a
gift to me for a short blink in my life and I am absolutely grateful to have
had the honor of being his last.
