This weekend I had a date with a man whom was the 3rd different man in about 7 weeks. So it’s not exactly like I’m a serial dater and out every week.
We met for
afternoon drinks. I’d approached the date with apprehension. I wasn’t nervous,
but I’d had a phone call with him earlier in the week where he spent the whole
half hour talking about himself and asked me only a couple of quick questions
about myself. I was expecting the physical date would probably end up going the
same way.
During that
phone call he’d innocently mentioned a couple of things which added some
confusion for me, in that they made me wonder if these were subtle messages
from the universe and whether I needed to follow them or ignore them.
I’d resolved
that if he continued his motor mouth rhetoric about himself at our date, I
would politely explain to him that he wasn’t helping himself by not showing
interest in the woman he was with etc etc. I had a bit of a spiel ready, but
was just going to play it by ear and see how the conversation evolved.
Prior to the
drinks, I’d asked my male friends what made men have motor mouth on dates? I
got a few different answers;
- - That
men get really nervous and it takes over normal thought and actions.
- - That
the man must have a self esteem problem, because if he was truly interested in
the woman his focus would be on her because that’s his end goal.
- - They
are enjoying being able to speak about themselves in a way they don’t usually
with other male friends, because women are nurturing listeners.
When I met
the man in person it quickly became clear in my mind that there would be no
future for us. He was quite old for his age, in everything from dress style to
opinion of life and as I sat there listening to him I realized there was no
physical attraction on my part. I could not imagine myself ever kissing him.
However one
thing that stood out was his nerves. His hands were shaking like crazy and a
light sweat happening. I realized then which category he fell into. At that
stage I took pity and decided not give him my “talk”. After a while I think the
alcohol calmed him and he did ask some questions about me, but by then I think
we’d both worked out there was no future for us. We called it quits after 1
& ¾ hrs (2 drinks each) and at parting I said to him that it was clear we’d
both realized we were looking for different things. It was all very polite and
civilized and while we walked to our cars I wished him well with his upcoming
travels and work.
He then
texted me later that afternoon and very sweetly thanked me for meeting him. He
said that whilst we both agree we’re looking for different things, he would
never forget our date as it was his first since becoming single a few years
earlier. He knew he had a journey ahead of him and he was happy to have had his
first step with a nice person. He also admitted that he was very nervous and
wished me well.
That got me
back to thinking about how the universe works. I’m not talking about the fact
that the sun rises in the morning etc, but those weird co-incidences that hit
you sometimes and you wonder was it a message or how the timing of things blows
you away. It’s about learning to pay attention to signs that the universe
sends to you.
I wondered
if the universe has put us together with a two fold purpose. I was a person who
would be gentle to him as he eased back into the dating scene, and for me after
having met a special person in the past who tragically was taken from me, my
journey to find another good man was reaffirmed at this date, that I will know
when I’ve met that person as it just feels so right and different to how I felt
sitting here on the weekend.
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